Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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