Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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