Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
