She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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