am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
