who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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