Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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