I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
