dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
