why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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