The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
