Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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