I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
