i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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