hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we're so committed to being not committed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
