i jhust puked up my retainher.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
