I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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