How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
