He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
