on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
