sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
