honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
