I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
