If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
