super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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