11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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