how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
