You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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