Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
