i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
