Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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