I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
