dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
