Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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