glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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