I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
