I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
