Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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