i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
