I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
