told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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