I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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