He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
