I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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