I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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