I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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