5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
