wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
