I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
