great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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