Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize