Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
