Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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