I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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