It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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