Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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