:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
