he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
