I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
