There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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