guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
