Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
