i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
