How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
