I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
