i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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