Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
