No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
