Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
