You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
