I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
