I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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