Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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