You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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