He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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