Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
