i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
