Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
